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Analyst Who? - Don't Blink - Rockies Zingers Colorado Rockies Baseball

Analyst Who? – Don’t Blink





Yep. That’s me.

Doctor Who -"Blink"- BBC

Doctor Who -“Blink”- BBC








Yes I do watch it.


MLB: Colorado Rockies at Milwaukee Brewers







Yep, and this.


Are you going to read out the whole thing?








I’m an analyst. Stuck on the Rockies since 2004.

Editor’s Note: We’re stuck. I’m not sure where this analogy is going to end up yet.


Editor’s Note: Sorry.










Quite possibly.









Fraid so.









Hey now, I’m only 38 (until May 30th)!


Michael Cuddyer







People don’t understand baseball. It’s not what you think it is.


Baseball When Life Gets Complicated I Play















Very complicated.










People assume that baseball is a strict progession of cause to effect when actually, from a non-linear, probabilistic approach, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly…timey-wimey… WAR… stuff.









It got away from me, yeah.








Well I can hear you. Well not hear you exactly, but I know everything you’re gonna say about the Rockies.








Look to your left.







Anyway, I’ve got a copy of the Colorado Rockies 2014 predictions, it’s bookmarked on Google.












I told you, I’m an analyst. I got it from ESPN Stats and Info.








Oh, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey…







What matters is we can communicate. We have got big problems now. The Rockies defied predictions, haven’t they? The front office built a winning team.






Creatures from another world.









Only when you see them. (Well probably not… I think…)

Completely confusing, they might have been called. No one quite knows when they got so smart, but they’re as old as Coors Field, or very nearly, and they have survived this long with a losing record because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They are analysis-locked. They don’t make sense when they’re being observed. The moment they are observed by any other living creature, they make a trade that people disagree with but somehow works out. And they don’t get fired. No choice, it’s a fact of the ownership. In the sight of any analysis they literally turn us into confusion yet somehow win games. And you can’t stop confusion. ‘Course, confusion can’t stop you either, but then you turn your head away. Then you blink, and oh yes, the Rockies somehow win.






That’s why they shared front office duties. They’re not afraid of being fired, they can’t risk a single person being analyzed. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be evaluated with a straight face or they start to lose. Loneliest front office on the internet. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry, it’s up to you now.








Rockies blogs, that’s our attempt to backtrack. There is a world of analysis in there that management could feast on forever, but the damage they would do could make them carry five outfielders and master the double switch. You have got to read all the blogs on the links on the right and go to the Rockies Bloggers Panel on May 17th before the Rockies make sense and start losing.










And that’s it, I’m afraid. There’s no more from you in the comment section. That’s the last I’ve got. I don’t know which blog you browsed to but I can guess it’s not Perez Hilton’s.







They’re coming. The Rockies front office is coming, but listen – your fandom could depend on this – don’t blink.









Don’t even blink! Blink and the Rockies win and you won’t know why.

MLB: San Diego Padres at Colorado Rockies






The front office is confusing! More confusing than you can believe but their moves somehow work out! Don’t turn your back, don’t look away, and don’t blink.









Good luck.


About Richard Bergstrom

Originally from Chicago and after an extensive tour of most of the western United States, this is my second stint in Denver. I’ve lived here since 2004 and go to quite a few Rockies games, especially Rockies fireworks games! When I’m not writing about baseball, I enjoy karaoke downtown, a bit of poker and a bit too much of my iPad.

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  2. Rockies Zingers - 2014 Highlights | Rockies Zingers Colorado Rockies Baseball

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